Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1. Cannot base characters off the Who's drummer Keith Moon.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #2. A one man band is not an appropriate bard instrument.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #3. There is no Gnomish god of heavy artillery.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #4. My 7th Sea character Boudreaux is not 'Southern' Montaigne.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #5. Not allowed to blow all my skill points on 1pt professional skills.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #6. Synchronized panicking is not a proper battle plan.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #7. Not allowed to use psychic powers to do the dishes.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #8. How to serve Dragons is not a cookbook.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #9. My monk's lips must be in sync.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #10. Just because my character and I can speak German, doesn't mean the GM can.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #11. Not allowed to berserk for the hell of it, especially during royal masquerades.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #12. Must learn at least one offensive or defensive spell if I'm the sorcerer.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #13. Must not murder canon NPCs in their sleep, no matter how cliche they are.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #14. Ogres are not kosher.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #15. Plan B is not automatically twice as much gunpowder as Plan A.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #16. I will not beat Tomb of Horrors in less than 10 minutes from memory.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #17. Collateral Damage Man is not an appropriate name for a super hero.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #18. When surrendering I am to hand the sword over HILT first.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #19. Drow are not good eating.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #20. Polka is not appropriate marching music.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #21. No longer allowed to recreate the Death Star Trench Run out of genre.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #22. There is no such thing as a Gnomish Pygmy War Rhino.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #23. Any character who has a sensitivity training center named after him will be taken away.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #24. Even if the rules allow it, I am not allowed to summon 50,000 Blue Whales.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #25. The green elf does not need food badly.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #26. Valley speak has no place in a fantasy setting. Especially if you're the paladin.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #27. I am not to shoot every corpse in the head to make sure they aren't a zombie in Twilight 2000.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #28. The Goddess' of Marriage chosen weapon is not the whip.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #29. I cannot have any gun that requires me to continue the damage code on back.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #30. I am not to kill off all the vampires in the LARP, even if they are terminally stupid.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #31. The backup trap handler is not whoever has the most HP at the time.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #32. I cannot buy any animal in groups of 100 or over.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #33. There is no such skill as 'improvised cooking'
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #34. I am not allowed to base any Droid off any character played by Joe Pesci.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #35. I am not allowed to convince the entire party to play R2 units.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #36. I am not allowed to convince the entire party to sit on the same side of the table.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #37. They do not make black market illegal cyberweapons for rodents.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #38. When investigating evil cultists not allowed to just torch the decrepit mansion from the outside.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #39. Gnomes do not have the racial ability 'can lick their eyebrows'
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #40. Gnomes do not have the racial ability to hold their breath for 10 minutes.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #41. Gnomes do not have the racial ability 'impromptu kickstand'
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #42. Having a big nose adds nothing to my seduction check.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #43. No longer allowed to set nazi propaganda music to a snappy disco beat.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #44. Not allowed to spend all 100 character points on 100 1pt skills.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #45. My character names are not allowed to be double entendres.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #46. Sliver rhymes with silver because the computer frelling says so.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #47. They do not make Nair in wookie sizes.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #48. The elf is restricted to decaf for the rest of the adventure.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #49. Not allowed to blow up the Death Star before that snotty farm kid gets his shot.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #50. Not allowed to use thermodynamic science to asphyxiate the orcs' cave instead of exploring it first.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #51. No longer allowed to use the time machine for booty calls.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #52. My bard does not know how to play Inna Godda Davida on marachas.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #53. Not allowed to start a drow character weighing more than a quarter ton.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #54. Cannot pimp out other party members.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #55. Before facing the dragon, not allowed to glaze the elf.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #56. No matter how well I roll, a squirrel cannot carry a horse and rider at full sprint.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #57. In the middle of a black op I cannot ask a guard to validate parking.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #58. Expended ammunition is not a business expense.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #59. Not allowed to pose the Netrunner in embarrassing positions when he's on a run.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #60. Not allowed to short sheet the bedroll of impotent deities.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #61. Can only taunt the ranger about his lack of swimming after my USCG E8 saves him.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #62. I am not allowed to do anything I saw Han Solo do once.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #63. No, I cannot buy 10,000 marbles even if I say please.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #64. My paladin's battle cry is not "Good for the Good God"
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #65. There is no Summon Bimbo spell.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #66. Not allowed to start a character that speaks every language except ones the party speaks.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #67. There is no Kung Fu manuever "McGuire Swings For Bleachers"
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #68. Bring him back intact includes redundant organs.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #69. There is more to wizardry than magic missile. Even if I can do 200 damage automatic with no save.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #70. Not allowed to cook up nerve gas in the sink even if the target number is 5.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #71. There is no 'annoy' setting on a phasor
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #72. Not allowed to start a character who is over 100 years old unless he's an elf or dwarf. Humans are right out.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #73. Not allowed to name my cudgel Ceremonial Whoopass Stick.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #74. My thief's battle cry is not "Run And Live"
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #75. Nor is it "You take care of the orcs, I take care of the traps"
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #76. I am not allowed any artistic license while translating.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #77. I did not get my super powers from James T. Kirk.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #78. Not allowed to commission a pistol that costs more than a sedan.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #79. I am not liquid metal.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #80. When accepting a challenge for a duel, I must allow the other guy time to find a pistol.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #81. A picture of my ex-wife is not an acceptable backup weapon.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #82. Victory laps after killing the dragon with my 1d2 bow is considered in poor taste.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #83. My gnome does not like big butts and he cannot lie.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #84. Not allowed to talk my fellow inquisitors into buying a 220lb pull crossbow.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #85. Not allowed to talk my fellow inquisitors into buying an industrial strength flamethrower.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #86. Not allowed to make a superhero with a 99% chance of dodging even after the -10 penalty for a successful called shot.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #87. There is no such thing as a dwarven katana.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #88. My bard does not get a bonus to perform if she is obviously not wearing anything under her tabard.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #89. The elf's name is not Legolam.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #90. My swashbuckling fop cannot take the flaw Dark Secret: Not Gay
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #91. A wet towel does not constitute an improvised weapon.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #92. The name of the weapon shop is not "Bloodbath and Beyond"
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #93. I am to remind my DM that he must never, ever give my paladin a dire boar for a mount again.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #94. I cannot base my ancient kung fu master on neither Gene Simmons or Bluto Blutarski.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #95. I must not put the Thunder God on the spot again.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #96. No making up polearms.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #97. My one wish cannot be 'I wish everything on this piece of paper was true'
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #98. There is no such thing as Speed Polka.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #99. Not allowed to see if Jedi can parry a shotgun blast with their lightsaber.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #100. When any character from a d20 sourcebook is allowed, that doesn't include System Lords.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #101. I am not allowed to pave ANYTHING.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #102. I am not authorized to start any civil engineering project on the taxpayer's dime.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #103. There is no such thing as a Club 3 of Cup Checks
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #104. Nor is there a 1 Longsword, 5 against party members.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #105. I am not allowed to polymorph anyone into Abe Vigoda.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #106. I do not have weapon proficiency in cat.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #107. There is no such game as Wereshark the Buffet.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #108. No, I do not get XP for every single crewman on that Star Destroyer.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #109. Not allowed to kill a vampire with any part from a DC-10 larger than my car.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #110. Not allowed to serenade the party even if my character has an internal tape deck.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #111. I did not pick the garrote skill last week from my grandmother.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #112. If the gun can't fit through the x-ray machine, it doesn't go on the plane.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #113. My Droid is not allowed to paraphrase any Jack Nicholson soliloquy.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #114. The Demilich only falls for getting stuffed in the bag of holding once.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #115. My musical instrument does not double as a personal flotation device.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #116. Not allowed to take a coffee break during the final super villain showdown.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #117. I am restricted to memorizing Floating Disc only once per day.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #118. I will pick a more traditional paladin weapon instead of a sledgehammer.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #119. My character's names cannot be anagrams of playboy playmates.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #120. Not allowed to kill another party member with a boomerang again.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #121. I am not a contractor for Dragon Cave Cleaning Services Inc.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #122. The paladin's alignment is not Lawful Anal.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #123. Not allowed to forget to mention traps when the powergamer has point.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #124. I cannot insert the words "Kill Phil, Sorry Phil" into any list of instructions.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #125. Lingerie can only snap coincidentally so many times per day.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #126. Dwarves do not count as burrowing animals.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #127. Not allowed to download AOL 6.0 on the Arasaka mainframe.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #128. Polka Gnomes exist only in my mind.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #129. Not allowed to name my ship The Antidisestablishmentarianism.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #130. I am not authorized to form the head.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #131. Not allowed to bet how many times the lich bounces.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #132. There is no such feat called "Death Blossom"
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #133. My acrobat cannot balance on the warlord's head for more than one round.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #134. The King's Guards official name is not "The Royal Order of the Red Shirt"
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #135. I cannot demand payment in electrum, backrubs or bubblewrap.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #136. I cannot start the 7th Sea campaign with 3 confirmed Drachen kills.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #137. I do not have a scorching case of lycanthropy.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #138. If the mere thought of it costs the others sanity, I'm forbidden from doing it.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #139. My bard is required to take levels in the perform skill and cannot 'just play by ear'
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #140. The Dutch language does not exist in the Forgotten Realms.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #141. My maid does not know kung fu.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #142. Not allowed to give a 4 year old a sugar rush just to jack up the CR later.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #143. Not allowed to by a holy symbol for every god just in case one of them is right.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #144. There is no such thing as pleather armor.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #145. I cannot go back in time to cut in line at the Declaration of Independence so everybody now is asked for their Terrence E. Woczinski when signing documents.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #146. Not allowed to play an Australian in any game set before 1600.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #147. Hobbits are not allowed to have Norse ancestry.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #148. There is no Gnomish Deathgrip, and even if there was, it wouldn't involve tongs.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #149. Looting the unguarded baggage train is not considered a glorious victory.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #150. Not allowed to create recreational drugs in suppository format.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #151. Halflings do not have a racial proficiency with the flamethrower.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #152. When the guy is at -9 HP is not the best time for my cleric to convert him.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #153. I will not propose to every noblewoman at the royal ball until I crit my charisma check.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #154. I am not allowed to rub the monk's head for luck.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #155. I am not allowed to rub any part of the elf chick for any reason.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #156. When one person forgets to buy rations eating the half-elf is not our first option.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #157. Any capital scale weapon is not 'my little friend'.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #158. I will not declare myself a god just so I can grant myself spells.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #159. Airlocks do not double as trash disposals.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #160. I will not load any gatling weapon with nothing but paint rounds.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #161. I will not nail every single female party member except for the elf chick played by that creepy guy.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #162. What ever monster we just killed is not to be tonight's dinner.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #163. Not allowed to try and make a dire version of any dog of the toy breeds.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #164. I am not to tattle to the halfling assassin's mom about his career choice.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #165. I am forbidden from replacing anything with folger's crystals to see if they notice.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #166. Not allowed to bribe the enemy commander into withdrawing with a stolen Elvis LP collection.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #167. I was not recruited by Star League for any reason.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #168. I was also not recruited by 12 dwarves and a wizard to rob a dragon.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #169. I am neither the pagan god nor goddess of fertility.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #170. I cannot name my character Xagyg or any anagram thereof.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #171. My character's dying words are not allowed to be "Hastur, Hastur, Hastur"
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #172. At no point can I justify spending force points on a seduction check.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #173. I am not allowed to recreate Veers' March of the AT-ATs on Zhentil Keep.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #174. There is no use of Shatner's spoken word album that doesn't require a humanity check.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #175. I am not directly descended from either Huey Lewis or any member of the News.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #176. I cannot make called shots to the plectrum, anvil, stirrup, hammer or Isle of Langerhans.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #177. Stinking cloud is a privilege, not a right.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #178. There are no profanities in Celestial.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #179. Chummer means he is my friend, not that sharks find him tasty.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #180. I have neither the touch nor the power.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #181. I cannot quote Shakespeare in Crinos.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #182. No figuring out the plot and killing the actual villain five minutes into the adventure.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #183. There are no rules for cooking corn dogs in any d20 supplement.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #184. A starting character has no need for 100gp worth of hemp rope.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #185. My bard does not need roadies for a dungeon crawl.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #186. No cutting line to be a god.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #187. I cannot gain more than three drama die per session for making the GM pee.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #188. I cannot play a elf with a scottish accent, nor a cajun dwarf.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #189. Tourretes is not a flaw, it is a reason to kill the character at creation.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #190. Duel wielding small animals is strictly forbidden.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #191. My character is not related in anyway to Boba Fett. This goes double for Star Wars characters.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #192. If the gun is best fired using the artillery skill, my character is not allowed to have it.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #193. Not allowed to kill vampires with seismic charges.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #194. When the other guy picks swords for the choice of weapons, that does not leave me pistols.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #195. I cannot use a silent feat enabled power word stun and blame it on the dog.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #196. I cannot name a character anything that I can't say politely in another country.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #197. My epic level character cannot take on the minor goblin menace to his country just to stay sharp.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #198. Not allowed to steal my own soul.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #199. My third wish cannot be 'I wish you wouldn't grant this wish'
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #200. I cannot name my character cliche canon characters from other systems.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #201. My thief is prohibited from speaking solely in Cant.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #202. Character descriptions cannot contain two of the following words: Slavic, Tonedeaf, Karaoke, Musician.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #203. My superhero's strength is not classified as snazzy, neato or bodacious.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #204. I am not too sexy for the elf, too sexy for the elf, so sexy myself.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #205. My 3rd ed. Red Wizard is not allowed to start a business named Thay Co.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #206. I cannot forge a 1 sword of Brad's Min/Maxed Paladin/Monk Slaying.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #207. The following weapons are not legal choices in a duel: Steamroller, Nerve Gas, Landmine, Midget.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #208. I cannot whine about the crappy selection of magical bec de corbins.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #209. My Paladin's heraldry is not a smiley face.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #210. My Antipaladin's heraldry is not Mr. Yuk.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #211. If at any point if my dwarf takes on the mannerisms of Macho Man Randy Savage, he dies.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #212. If the party always starts the adventure in a tavern, I cannot opt to start in a brothel.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #213. I am not the patron saint of common sense.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #214. There is no prestige class Drizzt Slayer.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #215. They do not make heavy weapons in pump action.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #216. There is an upper limit to the number of Bozo boostergangers I can get in a Volkswagon.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #217. If the weapon is capable of staking vampires hiding behind engine blocks, I can't have it.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #218. No matter my alignment, organizing halfling pit fights is a violation.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #219. In formal introductions to royalty, I must not introduce my companions as just "The Other Guys".
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #220. I am not the master of the low blow or the gang up.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #221. If I get that Yugo up to 120mph again, that's gonna get some paradox.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #222. Druids are not against my religion.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #223. I cannot convince the Solo he has a cortex bomb when he really doesn't.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #224. I cannot insinuate elf chicks are all easy, even though you never hear about a half gnome do you?
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #225. I am forbidden from monologuing.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #226. Troll bubblegum...bad idea.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #227. My last wish cannot be "I wish we were playing another game."
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #228. I cannot use my time machine to hire Hitler a hooker in 1920, thus avoiding WW2.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #229. Not allowed to spontaneously check if the elf can take a punch.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #230. There is no such thing as monofilament tooth floss.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #231. I am not allowed to do anything that would make a Sith Lord cry.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #232. It is not possible to recreate any scene from Dr. Who in Crinos.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #233. If I am the medtech it is generally assumed I am going to have skill in medicine.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #234. My character does not get d34 HP a level.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #235. My Samedi is required to have dots in obfuscate. Plural, as in more than one, two more than none.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #236. My character has no need for 24,000 cartons of cigarettes, especially in his neighbor's garage.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #237. Not allowed to use more than 3 words per game that the GM has to look up the definition.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #238. My bard cannot play or has ever heard of the theremin, didgeridoo or glass armonica.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #239. My rockerboy cannot play or has ever heard of the theremin, didgeridoo or glass armonica.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #240. Any character with more than three skills specializing in chainsaw is vetoed.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #241. Cannot use the jedi mind trick to get out of a speeding ticket.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #242. Not allowed to give quicklings Mountain Dew.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #243. Cannot cast haste on the king during a long winded speech to get him to hurry the hell up.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #244. Not allowed to taunt the rest of the party in 8 different languages because they forgot to take any.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #245. Not allowed to attend any opera whose name the GM confuses with a strip joint.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #246. I cannot keep selling that creepy guy's always naked elf chick to nomads every chance I get.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #247. If the king rewards me with a forest, I am to assume he intends for me to keep it a forest.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #248. There is no Halfling god of groin shots.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #249. If a black op requires me to impersonate an employee, I cannot bill the target for overtime.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #250. Superfluous Man is not a viable superhero concept.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #251. I am not the Boogie-Woogie Bugle Boy of Gundam Wing Z.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #252. I can not order the Druid to transform and roll out.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #253. If the other party members forget to take any food prep skills, not allowed to let them starve to death.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #254. I cannot blow 5 paradox in: A police line up, the candy aisle of Krogers, the Miss America Pageant.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #255. I cannot create a superhero that can palm the moon.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #256. The following cleric domains do not exist: Wet T-Shirts, Atheism, Keggers
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #257. I cannot wish nobody else gets wishes.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #258. There is no such thing as Skyclad Armor 5
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #259. My Highlander's name cannot be McHammer.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #260. Gnomes do not have a racial bonus in bobsled.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #261. The Barbarian's name does not translate into "Screams like little sissy girl" in my language.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #262. When the GM forces the plot, I cannot make choo-choo noises.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #263. Not allowed to attempt to kill the Hutt by pouring salt on him.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #264. I cannot use the time machine to go to Ancient Greece where all the women were leather clad, oiled down with big bosoms.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #265. It assumed my mechwarrior knows at least what one of the buttons in his cockpit does.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #266. At the end of a black-ops, I cannot crank call C-SWAT on the target's phone.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #267. I cannot yell "FREEBIRD" every time the bard makes a perform roll.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #268. Mr. Welch is not allowed to speak in 3rd person.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #269. My character cannot hear the soundtrack.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #270. I cannot derail the adventure for a two hour in character discussion on the qualities of rope.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #271. Tracheotomies are best left to characters with skills in medicine.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #272. No skill allows specializing in defenestration.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #273. No matter how smart I make my animal companion, he still can't take the tax accountant skill.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #274. I cannot commune with the Gods during peak hours.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #275. I must remember at dinner time Rock is not a dwarven delicacy.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #276. I must remember at dinner time Log is not an elven delicacy.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #277. My half-ogre cannot surprise the halflings with spontaneous games of dodgeball.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #278. Anything the DM has to ponder the full impact of for more than a minute is forbidden.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #279. I cannot base any elf off of any British Prime Minister.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #280. Thermonuclear hand grenades do not exist in any genre except Paranoia.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #281. I cannot get emotionally attached to any generic nondescript unnamed NPC.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #282. Even if laughter is the best medicine, it still doesn't restore any of my HP.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #283. I have been assured with total certainty Ralph is not a Japanese name.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #284. When the CO asks for volunteers, I can't help others make a decision.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #285. I am not from Margaritaville, and even if I was, that doesn't excuse the hawaiian shirt and lawn chair during the dress inspection.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #286. No character of mine can start with 400 previous convictions for any misdemeanor.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #287. When asked for advice before a fight "Don't wet yourself in public" is not what they were looking for.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #288. I cannot name my character after another PC already in this game.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #289. My character does not have the flaw Addiction: Helium.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #290. I cannot figure that the dungeon we're in is the Pac-Man maze and point it out to the rest of the party.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #291. I cannot form a huddle to discuss strategy before facing the final monster in the dungeon.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #292. I cannot take all the monsters I've killed to the taxidermist after the adventure.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #293. Clowns shoes have no place in a dungeon crawl.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #294. My dwarf is not claustrophobic, likewise, my elf is not agoraphobic.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #295. When my enemy blinks does not give me an attack of opportunity.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #296. I cannot make called shots with a crew served weapon.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #297. I cannot hand out artillery flares to the bad guys on New Years and tell them they are roman candles.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #298. Sprechen Sie Bang-Bang? is not real German.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #299. I do not get any XP for anyone I kill by stampeding sheep.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #300. I cannot give the rebel operatives the codenames Luke, Han, Chewie or Yoda.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #301. "Well Hung" is not a physical, social or mental trait.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #302. A gimp suit does not count as leather armor.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #303. I cannot gradually describe my character more and more until it's obvious I'm describing Burt Reynolds.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #304. My life long nemesis is not allowed to be the unsuspecting cleric sitting across the table from me.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #305. Anything my character does that ends up as errata I am retroactively prohibited from doing.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #306. Chaotic Evil dieties do not have hymnals.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #307. Even if he can use them from the start, my barbarian can't specialize in fencing weapons.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #308. A Mao suit is not proper garb for my shugenja.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #309. I cannot cast invisibility on random household items like car keys, tea sets and bear traps.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #310. I cannot spend all my points on just followers.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #311. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot start the game as pope.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #312. I am not the son, father, husband, exroommate, former professor or retired garbageman of the villain.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #313. My British Superspy does not get a reroll on his seduction check if his shirt gets ripped off.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #314. Under 'Religion' I cannot put 'Xenu'.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #315. My gnome cannot save point on the ride skill simply by asking for piggyback rides everywhere.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #316. My character is not allowed to commit suicide five minutes into the campaign.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #317. My battlecry is not 'Now young Skywalker you will die'.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #318. Vampiric cows are not the fast food innovation of the future.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #319. My character does not have the flaw: Dark Secret- I'm Kilroy.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #320. The Sultan does not want a treasure bath.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #321. The monk's official title is Brother of the Lotus Path. Not the Slap Happy Jappy.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #322. My bard knows more songs than just "I Saw Your Mommy"
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #323. I cannot start the game with a highly contagious deadly disease.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #324. I cannot start the game pregnant.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #325. Even if he was a paragon of humanity in his alternate dimension, Good Hitler is not an appropriate superhero concept.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #326. Cannot accumulate 200 points of flaws for Hackmaster.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #327. I am not allowed to decide which one of us is the Chosen One.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #328. I cannot keep my phaser on disintegrate just because it's the coolest setting.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #329. Not allowed to spoil the plot by simply removing the hinges on the door.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #330. The Halfling Paladin does not represent the Lollipop Guild.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #331. I cannot invoke Consecrate Weapon on a Man of War
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #332. I cannot spend character points to buy imaginary friends.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #333. I cannot fistinate anybody, whatever the hell that means.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #334. Pinball is not a specialization for wizards.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #335. When installing cyberware, can't install the Clapper as a built in feature.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #336. Cannot start a Cthuhlu character with a pre-existing hatred of books, altars and cutlery.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #337. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot control 20,000 pigeons and use them as flying piranha.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #338. Any character named El Robotico Jiraffe de Fuego is begging to be vetoed.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #339. Can't avoid going on an epic quest with the excuse "Can't find a sitter"
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #340. I cannot start the game married to another PC without their consent.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #341. Not allowed to declare myself a free agent and take offer from other adventuring parties.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #342. After the first adventure I cannot write a tell all book about the party.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #343. I must remember royalty do not share the same love of parody as my bard.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #344. No matter how much I make my IQ roll by, I can't make the other guy's head explode.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #345. I don't have weapon proficiency in elf, either.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #346. I most certainly don't have weapon proficiency in a Phased-plasma rifle in the forty watt range.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #347. If I'm not the decker, I can't do anything I saw in Tron once.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #348. The rest of the party appreciates it if I don't start the game in Cyberpsychosis.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #349. Power Word: Beer Me is not a real spell.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #350. I am not allowed to buzz ANYTHING.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #351. I cannot take skill Profession: Ecdysiast
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #352. When I choose my wizard's familar, Belgians are not a legal choice.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #353. I cannot pick a Destroid that makes the Veritech pilots feel inadequate.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #354. Tricking the party into killing each other off and then turning in their corpses for the bounty is frowned upon.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #355. My monk's battlecry is not "Round 1: Fight!"
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #356. No matter how well I roll, the Quack skill is not a substitute for the Doctor skill.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #357. I cannot disassemble a car in under 5 minutes.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #358. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot make a character that gets double XP per game for showing up.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #359. Killing quicklings with marbles only works once.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #360. I must remind the GM that my Blessed can Raise Dead before he runs another murder mystery again.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #361. It is not feasible for my Archer to recreate Hudson's Last Stand.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #362. It is very unlikely my half-ogre and the half-elf, half-dragon, tiefling and aasimar have the same dad.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #363. When challenged to a showdown, I'm meant to face him at 10 paces with pistols, not 10 blocks with a Sharpe's Big .50.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #364. I am to avoid killing, upstaging or seducing historical characters.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #365. Not allowed to setup the main villain with the mad scientist's sister.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #366. Female minotaurs do not have udders. This issue is closed.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #367. No using excessive firepower to force the plot along.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #368. My teleporter cannot stop the alien invasion with just the law of displacement, laws of motion, and a huge freakin' asteroid.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #369. Not supposed to stop the soon to be cyberpsycho by disassembling him earlier in the adventure.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #370. What happens in Sigil does not always stay in Sigil.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #371. No thinking up new, creative and fun uses for cursed items.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #372. Cannot start the game blitzed, especially if I was stone sober at the last game break.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #373. It is bad form for the queen to see my nipples.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #374. I am not to combine the advantage Fearless and the disadvantage Curious in the same character again.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #375. Killing the building does not add to my body count.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #376. The barbarian must remember that 'human shield' is a figure of speech.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #377. My character is required to have a minimum wisdom of 10, that way I have no excuses.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #378. I can cannot give my character the moniker "Tim the Barbarian". Especially since he's the bard.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #379. I am to stop asking the elf to put a good word in for me with Santa.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #380. I cannot use the ventriloquism skill to convice the fighter his new sword is a magical talking one.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #381. Min/Max for combat=good. Min/Max for accounting=bad.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #382. I can't bet the power gamer he can't solo the module.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #383. It is not ok to use 10,000 rounds to kill two sentries.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #384. The titles "Viking" and "Obstretrician" are mutually exclusive.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #385. All characters will use the bathroom before the dungeon crawl.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #386. The following words are not legal for the command spell: Prognosticate, theorize, notarize.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #387. I cannot give magic items super easy commands words like 'is' or 'the' and activate when you say them.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #388. Pursue means chase after, not just make called shots to the knees.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #389. My samurai is not required to commit seppuku if he fails to hit the monster.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #390. My character's background must be more indepth than a montage of Queen lyrics.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #391. A starting paladin has no conceivable use for industrial lubricant.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #392. I am forbidden to see when halflings or gnomes bounce higher.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #393. If I can fit my head down the gun's barrel, I can assume it doesn't have the non-lethal option.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #394. If the light spell expires, no lighting the dwarf.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #395. I cannot have any weapon that requires me to crank start it first.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #396. I will refrain from using wildly inaccurate high explosive weapons in close quarters.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #397. I will not tell new players that 1st level characters do not have a scent as a defense mechanism.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #398. No matter what popular media says, harpoons are not proper ninja weapons.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #399. When I have to pick a starting dementia, Stockholm Syndrome is not appropriate.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #400. Check the door means to listen at it, not put several rounds through it.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #401. When a virgin sacrifice is demanded I will not look knowingly at the paladin, netrunner or Hermetic.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #402. No matter how many people I need to feed, I will not use MDC weapons to fish.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #403. My rigger does not get a bonus if his log in code is up, down, up, down, left, right, left, right, A, B, A, B, Start.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #404. No subcontracting dungeon crawls.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #405. I will not name my character for the power gaming campaign Generic Cleave Path Fighter #7.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #406. The first rule of Finnegan school is not "Do not talk about Finnegan school"
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #407. I will not blow all my starting funds on hookers and booze.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #408. If I have to sacrifice my fifth dot in resources to afford it, I can't have that gun.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #409. I will not cast darkness at the magic missile.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #410. If the NPC is on the cover of the rulebook, I can't kill him.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #411. It is bad form to shoot a god while he's monologuing.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #412. I will not try to skip to the main boss dressed like a singing telegram.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #413. The chaotic neutral alignment is forever closed to me.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #414. If my stats are STR10 DEX10 CON8 INT16 WIS17 CHA15 I'd better not be the half-orc barbarian.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #415. My archmage will not join a party running Keep on the Borderlands as a ringer.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #416. I will not substitute accuracy with enthusiasm.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #417. The solution to all my problems is not Crinos.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #418. Steel toe boots do not add to my AC.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #419. Spankings generally will not change evil alignments.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #420. "For the King" is an example of a good battle cry. "Smoke the Mother" is not.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #421. I will not convince the GM's noob GF to play a psychotic combat monster.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #422. My marital status does not affect in anyway my fear checks.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #423. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot play a duck.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #424. I cannot liven up the adventure with snappy musical numbers. Even if they did it on the TV show.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #425. Chainsaws and butter churns filled with bees do not use the same weapon skill.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #426. Thirty minutes after a massive battle against Cathayans I am not bloodthirsty again.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #427. I cannot do anything I saw Jackie Chan do once. Even if I am in Home Depot at the moment.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #428. I will never create a plan that first hinges on the invention of velcro.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #429. If the character isn't deaf, his only language cannot be AMSLAN.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #430. Spray paint is not a substitute for proper camouflage.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #431. We will not implement any battle plan that includes the underlined words "And hope they miss a lot"
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #432. Cannot put anything featuring Calvin on my starfighter.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #433. I will not find a peaceful solution to the adventure just to piss off the power gamer.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #434. Never again will I convince a player to keep a character nicknamed "Stumpy McLunger"
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #435. No bribing the DM's new GF with chocolate so he'll go easy on us.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #436. Even if my cleric has the domains of Wealth and Healing doesn't give me the right to start an HMO.
%
Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #437. From now on my Highlander will refrain from dancing the Can-Can.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #438. The ability to afflict everyone in 150' with herpes is not an acceptable super power.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #439. I will not start the game as a toddler just to rack up massive stat bonuses as I age.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #440. I am forbidden from trying to merge the best features of automatic weapons and manual transmissions.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #441. There is an upper limit on the number of people a bullet will go through.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #442. When told to be subtle, playing a foul mouthed chain smoking squirrel is not a good choice.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #443. Zombies are not infectious in D&D. So I should stop shooting PCs in the head if they are bitten.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #444. Whether it's fair or not, my thief will not insist we take turns checking for traps.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #445. I will not admonish my fellow paladin with 'a little less lawful, a little more good'
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #446. Ninjas are not ablative.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #447. If the NPC is critical to the plot later, I cannot crit him 4 times in one round.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #448. I will not attempt to unionize the brutes.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #449. I will not switch to an entirely new class every single time I level.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #450. When told to distract the villainess, they didn't mean with a surprise marriage proposal.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #451. I cannot start the campaign conjoined to another character.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #452. Not allowed to convince the entire party to base the group only off Gary Oldman characters.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #453. I will not redefine the term 'trapdoor'.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #454. No staking a vampire with anything larger than his chest cavity.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #455. Styrofoam is not an appropriate component for golems.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #456. I cannot put my familiar up for stud.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #457. I did not invent the wet tabard contest.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #458. "When I'm in the mood" is not a valid trigger for a contingency spell.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #459. The vampire clan with vissitude is not pronounced 'Karl'
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #460. I'd better have a real good excuse for being a necromancer if I'm lawful good.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #461. Tasha's Uncontrollably Hideous Sister is not a real spell.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #462. 1st Watch is not for accordion practice.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #463. Even if it is hip to be square, I still can't play a Modron.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #464. 2nd Watch is not for starting up pick up rugby games with wandering monsters.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #465. After a successful black ops, I will not leave paint bombs under all the boardroom's seat cushions.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #466. 3rd Watch is not clothing optional.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #467. There is no 'accidentally' slipping a Smite Evil into a pillow fight.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #468. If the party wakes to find a chariot upside down in a fountain, I'd better not be the prime, usual or only suspect.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #469. If I wake up to find black cloaked figures in my room, I will not immediately point them to the halflings' room.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #470. Sarcasm is wasted on Imperial Stormtroopers.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #471. I am not fluent in any dialect of gibberish.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #472. When my cleric is told to "Buff the Elf", I know exactly what it means and may not miscontrue it in any way.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #473. No matter the CR of the monster, no naked pookie dances upon victory.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #474. Black and Decker does not make prosthetics.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #475. Can't trick the rest of the party into babysitting my kids.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #476. The alignment of 2 years olds is not automatically Neutral Evil.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #477. I cannot spay the Vargyr.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #478. Castillians do not always end their sentences with the word 'Ariba!"
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #479. As a matter of fact, Dwarven Battlegarb in no way resembles Angus Young's stage costume.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #480. I will not address Fauner Posen with 'Jawohl mein Liebenaffe'
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #481. I am forbidden from doing anything that ends with a snarf, rimshot or spit take.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #482. No uploading porn to my CO's HUD.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #483. No downloading porn from my CO's HUD.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #484. If the word 'Mullet' appears anywhere on my samurai's character sheet, he's vetoed.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #485. My Mossad agent's battlecry is not "Torah, Torah, Torah"
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #486. No how tough the encounter was, I will keep the congratulatory ass slapping to a minimum.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #487. Halfing mating rituals do not include beer can crushing, power belching, or Lynyrd Skynyrd trivia.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #488. If I have to pull out of the dungeon because I'm low on HP, no filing Workman's Comp.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #489. No making up any strange hobbies just to get out of taking watch.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #490. Quoting Bob Dobbs while charging into battle is unusual. Quoting Bob Newhart is right out. Quoting Bob Dillan is just silly.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #491. If my Faith is 4 and your Faith is 2, that doesn't mean Jesus loves me twice as much.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #492. Beer Boy is not an acceptable hireling for the dungeon crawl.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #493. I will not base any Media character off Milo Bloom.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #494. I will not use a time machine to invade Germany on September 2, 1939 by surprise, securing Dutch domination of Europe.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #495. No supplying my own canned applause.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #496. While Bardic music can increase skill rolls, bad jazz adds nothing to seduction rolls.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #497. If somebody in the party has a Wisdom or Intelligence lower than 8, I am forbidden from talking to them.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #498. A firefight is not the best time to tell the party my Medtech has a fear of blood.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #499. No inventing the minefield.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #500. My superhero will not spend points to fly just because he's too lazy to walk.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #501. Even if playing a game allowing animal characters, Tai Chihuahua is not a good concept.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #502. If my name isn't Grimlock, can't start every sentence with "Me Grimlock"
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #503. Dwarves do not get Beard Cancer.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #504. If the party is to frequently meet with Queen Victoria, I cannot play a Texan.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #505. My warrior cleric will not pick his deity solely on the god's BAB.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #506. Mjy Vjikjing Skjald wjill njot tjake ljibjertjies wjith thje rjunjic ajlphjabjet.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #507. My character cannot give another character the alcoholic disadvantage during play.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #508. I will not tell the noobie to roll his THACO.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #509. I will not base my superpowers off of Christ. Even if my character is nothing like him.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #510. After a bloody battle, I will not celebrate by lying down and making carnage angels.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #511. When GM demands to know what my character is doing, it better not be "The Charleston"
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #512. The nationality of my favorite soccer team does not add to my Brawl Skill.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #513. Trying to rip the face off the villain will not get the Scooby-Doo ending.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #514. No giving my Roman gladiator the short disadvantage and naming him Minimus.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #515. I am not the Lord of Rodly Might.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #516. Not allowed to name my characters Grimlock.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #517. I cannot make called shots to their self esteem.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #518. Affirmative Action does not require me to play a drow.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #519. Dual wielding party members is also frowned upon.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #520. Under no circumstances is my medical droid allowed a groin mounted rectal thermometer.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #521. I will not convince the entire party to play Amish for the cyberpunk campaign.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #522. Not allowed to parry at the wrist.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #523. When I'm rescued the correct response is 'thank you' not 'took your freaking time!'
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #524. I will not ask my gun for advice.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #525. Running a non-stop Rocky Horror fest for staked vampires is outside the budget for most Samedi.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #526. If an NPC is known as the "One" I cannot volunteer to be the "Two".
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #527. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot spend $64,000 to get the vorpal option for a forklift.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #528. I cannot buy every single advantage during character creation.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #529. My character is not from Duncan, Idaho.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #530. I cannot earn bonus XP for 'catching air' with an MBT. So stop trying.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #531. No making up gnomish subraces.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #532. Despite being a staple of comic books everywhere, I cannot teleport objects in front of naked people.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #533. I cannot increase my comeliness by growing a pornstache.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #534. When I level up, I just can't copy the guy next to me's choices.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #535. I cannot make a dungeon crawl easier by opening a rival dungeon and hiring away all his guards.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #536. If a powergamer joins our crew, I will not billet him in the newly furnished auxiliary airlock.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #537. The Cause Disease spell cannot inflict Nitrogen Narcosis.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #538. Even if I spend the points, I cannot start married to any of the X-Men.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #539. Defensive perimeter traps my character sets up are automatically party knowledge.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #540. A full minute of stunned silence means "My God what did you do?" not "Please continue."
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #541. When prompted for a target by the guided missile "the naughty bits" is not a valid choice.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #542. No, I do not have time to carve that mountain in the shape of anything.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #543. There is more to buying rations than ramen, spam and beer.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #544. I will not cast Gate to bind an infernal creature of power to my bidding and make him mow the lawn.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #545. No going 100% tracer round on the HMG just because I like the pretty colors.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #546. Dead party members, while effective, are not appropriate anti-grenade measures.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #547. Perform skill does not apply to the following: Performance art, spoken word, or fan dances.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #548. I cannot have a "What Would Ao Do?" bracelet.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #549. It is not physically possible to cook off an accordion.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #550. Dwarves can indeed tell the difference between their genders.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #551. Cannot install Lojack on the Dragonkin.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #552. If my character's drow wife finds I let my niece appear in a Gnomes Gone Wild Video, my death will not even warrant a saving throw.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #553. No matter how well I make my disguise check, my gnome cannot convincingly pass for any member of Rush.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #554. Even though armor gives him no benefit, my monk still has to wear something.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #555. I will stop snickering every time the monk announces he's touching someone with his quivering palm.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #556. Even though I'm the ranger, I can't stalk the elf babe.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #557. If they get a bonus to spot my gun with a geiger counter, I can't have it.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #558. There is not a 'Take your daughter to work day' for adventurers.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #559. Even if the Ranger offers his sword, the elf his bow and the dwarf his axe, my gnome can't offer his accordion.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #560. Can't hire a sentient black pudding to be the ship's janitor.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #561. I can't play a deep gnome just to make the rest of the party have to pronounce Svirfneblin.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #562. "Pass without trace" doesn't work on bad checks.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #563. I can't make anyone Jewish with a called shot.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #564. The Lutherans don't have an inquisition.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #565. My vampire hunter can't have anything he saw on an infomercial at 3am on PBS.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #566. When confronted with a haunted house with bleeding walls, no converting it into a self supporting blood bank.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #567. I cannot consult my lawyer before making my wish.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #568. My first wish cannot be "I wish you grant all my wishes to the spirit and letter of the wish'
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #569. All 3 of my wishes cannot involve Alpacas.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #570. The DM does not want to know how my human fighter is triple wielding scimitars.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #571. I will not secretly maze the wizard's familiar, druid's companion or paladin's mount just for a laugh.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #572. Even if the rules say otherwise, I cannot carry 100lbs of styrofoam without encumbrance penalties.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #573. Improved evasion does not work against Save vs. DM.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #574. "Get dressed quickly in the dark" is not an advantage, bonus, benefit, feat, skill, perk or merit.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #575. Even if I'm a near immortal demi-god with the power to create entire worlds with a thought, still bad to throw a party when Dad's away without permission.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #576. I can't use my sneak attack opportunity to cop a feel.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #577. No matter how stupid the PC's comment, it doesn't provide an attack of opportunity.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #578. Rectomancy is not a school of magic.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #579. "Pimp my Death Star" is not a real show, and I'd better believe Grand Moff Tarkin knows this.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #580. A sledgehammer does not give any bonus to my search for secret doors roll.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #581. No filling the paladin's stocking with coal on Christmas to make him wonder what he's got to atone for.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #582. I can't thwart the Rebel Alliance's attack with the newly invented manhole cover.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #583. Can't intimidate the evil wizard just by constantly summoning bigger versions of what he's just summoned.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #584. On second thought, a minotaur architect is a really bad idea.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #585. No using psychic powers before the adventure to figure out who to take life insurance out on.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #586. Cannot spend extra money to get the optional "flay" setting for my pistol.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #587. No taunting the 1st level magic user with "Mighty bold talk for a guy with only 4HP."
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #588. Paladins are immune to STDs, but if I take advantage of this ability, I lose it. Wonderful paradox, isn't it?
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #589. If my gun on a scale of 1-10 is a 7, it's vetoed if that's the Richter scale.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #590. I can't convince the rival party our Q-Ship is just named that because it's piloted by John DeLancie.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #591. Defibrillators do not allow me the use of the Cleave feat.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #592. No matter how well I roll, other PCs cannot be haggled into paying me to perform errands for me.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #593. Tensor's Herniated Disc is not a real spell.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #594. True to fluff or not, my berserker cannot take the beekeeping skill.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #595. I cannot pick a race with a prehensile ANYTHING.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #596. No dual wielding whips until I at least have proficiency with them.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #597. The party does not need to know about the time I woke up duct taped to the back of a Drow Matron Mother.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #598. Any adventure that ends up with my character being worshiped as an orc god was just a dream. Retroactively if need be.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #599. Cannot start the new adventure with me trying to run down who ever didn't show up for the last adventure.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #600. Even if I'm a wizard, I still can't apply embarrassing tattoos to the NPC.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #601. If we run out of cannonballs armadillos will not do in a pinch.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #602. Find Familiar scrolls are not a substitute for the hunting skill.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #603. I cannot have any gun mentioned in the Geneva Convention by name.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #604. If my alignment forbids torture, that includes Gnomish Poetry Slams.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #605. Even if this an adventuring party, I can't show up to the adventure drunk and wearing only a toga, lampshade and half elf stripper.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #606. If my power is super growth, that includes my skin.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #607. A N-Scale tuba player is not an appropriate miniature for my gnome bard.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #608. The answer to 'who's got point?' is not the fireball.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #609. No diety will let me use my nipples as holy symbols.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #610. I cannot name my character Dwead Piwate Woberts.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #611. No initiating social challenges based only on the color of the werewolf's shoes.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #612. Every time a PC takes himself out through his own stupidity does not let me sing the Oompa-Loompa song.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #613. I can't have a magic item I can't request with a straight face.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #614. My superhero tank must be height/weight proportionate.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #615. One close call with a mimic does not give me the right to attack every door I come across.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #616. Even if they are the same cliched acid for blood aliens, can't load my shotgun with baking powder.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #617. The forehead is not an appropriate place for a kill count holo-tattoo.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #618. No matter how much my humanity loss, a chainsaw is not a substitute for a bayonet.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #619. No matter what the dice say, I can't kill a 4th gen vampire with a pump action loaded with buck in a single round.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #620. My Blessed does not have the hindrance Ailin': Stigmata.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #621. No offering the old man and the farm kid a better rate to Alderaan.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #622. Paladins make poor vikings. And vice versa.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #623. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot play a Dire Gummi Bear.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #624. When asked what my character is doing, it had better not be the vitakinetic.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #625. I must remember before the next time I shave off the sleeping dwarf's beard and glue it to the sleeping elf, wars have been started that way.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #626. Dwarves are not proper substitutes for pufferfish.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #627. The GM decides if my character dies from a stroke, not me.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #628. I can't use audible glamour to trick the cleric into building an ark.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #629. Just because they are all into rock, metal and axes, dwarves are not all headbangers.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #630. Replacing the solo's bullets with blanks so he comes in dead last in bodycount isn't funny.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #631. Medicine cabinets are not the best place to stash spare squeeze tubes of explosive putty.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #632. When asked to tutor someone on his defense trait, can't keep punching him until he get it.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #633. When told to choose my weapon in a duel with the assassin, can't pick his weapon.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #634. Cannot recreate any scene in 2001: Space Odyssey involving women's lingerie.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #635. Arguments cannot end with the statement 'Alright, we'll settle this like penguins!'
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #636. Recon means tell them what I saw, not slaughter all the monsters without them.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #637. German characters do not gets 4 racial bonus to intimidate French characters.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #638. The DM is not impressed by me spoiling his well planned ambush by just casting Glassee on the door.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #639. Before hiding with all the werewolves to ambush the Settite, make sure he didn't leave the LARP 4 hours ago.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #640. Even if he loves me too, Chitti-Chitti-Bang-Bang is not an appropriate choice for the romance background.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #641. Casual attire does not include shoulder holsters.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #642. My character's grandma was not, is not and will never be a contract killer.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #643. Even if the rules allow it, I can't gain 1,000,000 XP with one forged check.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #644. No matter how much mousse I use, my hair will never have damage resistance.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #645. My matter how high my faith skill, still can't take God as an ally.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #646. If the game store owner goes into vapor lock, the adventure is over.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #647. Any answer to a question involving the words 'wizard', 'station wagon' and 'wood paneling' is no.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #648. Can't marry off another PC more than half a dozen times.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #649. Zero bodycount does not mean just the ones they can find.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #650. Gnolls don't fall for the fake ball trick more than once.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #651. My alignment is not Sarcastic Good.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #652. My fighter cannot take the flaw: Addiction- stabbing things.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #653. Cannot wish for the party to have common sense. Even the wish spell has its limits.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #654. If the party goes into my room and finds a Deva wearing only baby oil, oven mitts and spurs, they can start the module without me.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #655. When asked my position in the party, it's not 'whatever's closest to Bangkok.'
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #656. A crayon is typically going to cause a penalty to my forgery skill.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #657. Can't put a glass bottom on my tank to I can see the looks on their faces.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #658. Changes sexes is restricted to male or female.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #659. Quoting Ministry lyrics is not SOP for the Gladius Dei.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #660. Walmart is not my one stop shopping place for hunting vampires.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #661. The line on my character sheet for 'Sex' is not for keeping score.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #662. My Paladin will stop referring to her detect evil power as Evildar.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #663. Even if I just rolled 832d6 for damage, still can't get a bonus to my intimidate check.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #664. Unlike real life, I don't gain the whirlwind attack to smack all my backtalking children.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #665. My WW2 era mad scientist will pick a new target for his project other than Manhattan.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #666. When offered a Dracheneisen item of my choice, can't pick Nunchucks.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #667. No matter what the dice say, can't decapitate an Aberrant with a straight razor.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #668. AT-ST soccer games are strictly against Imperial Army protocols.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #669. Cannot name Boba Fett as a godparent to any of my children.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #670. While I'm fixing the X-Wing, the brash pilot is still miffed about the Y-Wing loaner.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #671. House Kurita Mechwarriors do not appreciate posters of Godzilla taped over their optical sensors.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #672. Teleport Without Pants is not a real spell.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #673. It's not necessary to install a portcullis in every single room of my castle.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #674. When deciding what to do with the ancient alien artifacts we discovered, EBAY is not an option.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #675. Even if the rules allow it, I can't take the identical twin advantage 22 times.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #676. My character's primary purpose in the party is not to just leech 1/6 of all the XP.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #677. Elves do not have the racial trait: No Gag Reflex.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #678. Distract the bad guy does not mean with a recreation of the Apollo landing.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #679. I do not have time in the Black Ops for break dancing, Greco-Roman Wrestling or phone sex.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #680. My axe doesn't go off accidentally when I'm cleaning it.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #681. Even if he is a total blast, can't channel Baron Samedi at a Coming Out Ball.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #682. Can't make a called shot with a flamethrower.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #683. After finishing the cliched "New boss is villain" adventure, can't file for unemployment.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #684. My mummy can't take out multiple life insurance policies on himself and name himself the prime beneficiary.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #685. The game of chicken does not involve the polymorph spell.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #686. My vampire hunter does not take the "un" out of "undead"
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #687. I cannot backstab anybody with a Buick Skylark.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #688. Even if the rules allow it, my Paladin cannot have the flaw: Hatred- All living things.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #689. The combat feats I can use with a battering ram are extremely restricted.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #690. Mordenkainen's Dysfunctional Family is not a real spell.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #691. No matter what the kids say, animated balloon animals is a poor use of the Create Golem feat.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #692. The Dr. Jones School of Swordfighting is not an appropriate Swordsman's School.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #693. There is no conspiracy to write out the gnome's contribution to the Fellowship of the Ring.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #694. Search the old castle means enter it, not level it with artillery and dig through the rubble.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #695. Buying the Elf Babe a trampoline and telling her it boosts her Dexterity isn't fooling anybody.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #696. Any plan involving strapping puppies to my armor is vetoed.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #697. No "accidentally" crosswiring the X-Wing's fire control and ejection seat switches.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #698. During the Black Ops no accessing the target's HR files and getting babes' phone numbers.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #699. Fed Ex does not deliver to the Keep on the Borderlands.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #700. Not allowed to use basic economics to crash the evil empire's economy by spending all my swag there at once.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #701. Cannot take the moniker "the Hyperpolysyllabicsesquipedalinist"
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #702. The Banana of Disarming is not a real magic item.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #703. Cannot sharpen Ioun stones for increased headbutt damage.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #704. No using my hideously low Charisma to get the villain to do the opposite of what I suggest.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #705. Need to stop using my reality altering ability to make every day Mardi Gras.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #706. Cannot base my barbarian after Wink Martindale.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #707. A throat punch does not give a bonus in a contested philosophy check.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #708. My paladin mini is vetoed if it's obviously Private Drake from Aliens.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #709. Any plan is vetoed if it was obviously inspired by Boromir.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #710. My info gathering mission must include info that wasn't obviously obtained in a brothel.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #711. If almost all the words in my character's background start with the same letter, he's vetoed.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #712. When told to leave a trail for the rest of the party to follow, they didn't mean with cigarette butts.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #713. If if the rules allow it, can't sink a battleship with a stapler.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #714. I do not get a bulk discount on ninjas.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #715. Even if the rules allow it, I can't invent the strip joint.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #716. I cannot play a race the GM can't pronounce.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #717. I cannot start the game in post-apocalyptic Poland driving a Porsche.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #718. Warnings given retroactively in battle aren't appreciated.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #719. A fluffy tail does not add to my comliness if I'm already 1' tall, furry and a squirrel.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #720. Don't have to include the line "And then stab them a lot" in the plan; it's already assumed.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #721. Even if my super power is invisibility, still have to provide a model for my character.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #722. Can't intentionally fail all my secret door checks so I don't have to play Tomb of Horrors again.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #723. If my character is related to a god, it can't be as a parent.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #724. The time machine is not for finishing my set of Disciple autographs.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #725. No, there is not a Mr. Of Arc. No, I still can't hit on her.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #726. My black ops experience does not include panty raids and beer runs.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #727. Cannot singlehandedly make Starfleet Academy the #1 party school in the Alpha Quadrant.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #728. Not legal to retroactively challenge anyone I just shot to a duel.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #729. Cannot take the flaw Obsession: Elf Chick's lingerie.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #730. No part of the plan includes: You give me the idol, I give you the whip.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #731. No matter how many called shots to the neck I make, I'm still not going to cause a cool pyrotechnics display.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #732. Not allowed to trade in my X-Wing for a Gunstar.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #733. Cannot make a plan that hinges on the villain first being allergic to peanuts.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #734. My character's background cannot be a wikipedia biography with "Falco" crossed off and my character's name written in.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #735. Adding hydrolics to my R2 unit does not give him an intimidate bonus.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #736. No taking the party to Kara-Tur just because my character has a thing for Asian chicks.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #737. Will not color code everything on the ship just to piss off the Vargyr.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #738. Though highly educational, no more slipping the anti-paladin sodium pentathal.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #739. Can't make the blacks ops super easy by sending a couple of strippers to the guardroom first.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #740. Not allowed to give my character a name from a bushman click language.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #741. Not possible to tap a keg for mana.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #742. Apparently Chaotic Angry and Neutral Hungry aren't real alignments either.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #743. Even if the rules allow it, can't takes out an MBT with a shotgun loaded with slug.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #744. My second wish can't be for a new, more open minded genie to grant my remaining wishes.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #745. Can't wish I was the GM.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #746. No making up holidays for my cleric.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #747. Can't just walk the obstacle course, even though I beat everybody who tried to run it.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #748. Holding a pillow over a sleeping person's face is not a gnomish expression of affection.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #749. There is not a Spent Clip Fairy.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #750. A bag of holding is a bad place to stash bear traps, badgers or crushed glass.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #751. If the party has to pose as classical German composers, I will not declare "I'll be Bach"
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #752. Cannot take the spetum as my favorite weapon just because it sounds dirty.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #753. No encouraging swedish accents.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #754. Even if the rules give no maximum encumbrance, still can't pick up the bank and walk away with it.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #755. There is a reason no game has pasties in it's starting equipment list.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #756. The Power Armor skill does not have a cascade skill dance.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #757. I will not build a character with a skill from every single expansion book.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #758. Not allowed to take a toad for a familiar just for it's pharmaceutical properties.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #759. Restricted to one blue chip for humor per game.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #760. Can't use the time machine to rename famous historical discoveries after myself.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #761. Not allowed to forge the 1.1 ring.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #762. Fighter can't put points in Perform just so he can hammer dance after each fatal critical hit.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #763. No slipping the juicer Ritalin.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #764. In the middle of a chase in a commandeered car can't spend an action to change the radio presets.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #765. Can't parry with a called shot to the face.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #766. No more Crazy Ivans while I'm driving the AT-AT.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #767. When challenged to a high noon shoot-out, that means in the time zone I'm currently in.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #768. Burning my bard song on CD and putting it on repeat does not mean the effect never ends.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #769. Before turning undead, make sure the assassin didn't take the vampire template.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #770. My mythos investigator doesn't talk in his sleep.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #771. Mashed potatoes do not add to my damage resistance.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #772. Not allowed to base a paladin off Lee Marvin.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #773. My great axe priviledges can be taken away.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #774. If I've leveled up 5 times to the Dragonkin's 0, that doesn't mean I'm lapping him.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #775. My investigator's motto is not "99% Mythos Lore, 1% Sanity- don't push me"
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #776. Even if it was obviously in self defense, my character is not allowed to kill George Takei.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #777. Tai Kwan Doberman is not a real martial art.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #778. It is not possible to bioengineer a kosher pig.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #779. Even if we are in Ravenloft, Paladin can't go up ten levels in one night.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #780. When told I have to join the RPGA to play in a game, can't sign the membership card "D. Duck."
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #781. My tribe's trial by combat ritual is not best described as "Calvinball with axes"
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #782. My paladin's job is not to enforce happiness.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #783. The following are also not acceptable Ironclaw characters: Mortal Wombat, Dalai Llama, Boom Orangutan.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #784. Monks do not make 3 Stooges sounds in combat.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #785. Even if the rules allow it, can't shoot 20 guys in one round with a musket.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #786. No I cannot keep the drow priestess we just found as a pet.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #787. "Start a career in modeling" is not an appropriate use of the Suggestion spell.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #788. "You take the scary one" is not our default battle strategy.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #789. Even if it's for his own safety, can't secretly remove the firing pins from the powergamer's guns.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #790. If I have access to warm water, I don't take watch unsupervised.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #791. Not allowed to give any birthday gift to a child that immediately earns me a dark side point.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #792. Despite the movie's claims, Wookies get no racial bonus for chess.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #793. When building a superhero, can't spend half his points on radar sense and the other half on cooking.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #794. Pregen characters do not have cutesy nicknames, even if their real names are pretty lame.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #795. Improved Evasion is not solid proof "Duck and Cover" works.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #796. In the middle of the black ops can't lock a bunch of long haired molting cats into the CEO's office.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #797. If in the middle of our dressing down our CO strokes out, we took the joke too far.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #798. Not allowed to use guppies as buckshot.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #799. Can't hunt drow with a spotlight and 30.06.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #800. The default response to a social challenge in any game is not to just shoot them.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #801. We do not settle disputes in Paper-Rock-Scissors with games of Vampire.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #802. Fake eye spots on my helmets do not help intimidate the monster.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #803. If my personal carried firepower exceeds that of the Battleship Texas, there's a problem.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #804. I cannot take the Dementia: Obsession counting things if I'm not a Malkavian.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #805. On second thought, I can't take it even if I am a Malkavian.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #806. My character cannot have a noticeable impact, positive or negative, on a town's population.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #807. Large dice are for rolling. Not sound effects.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #808. Covering fire does not include nuclear weapons.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #809. I don't earn the bonus XP for a written background if it's just a summary of the plot to Dig-Dug.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #810. While the party is off searching for secret doors, can't position the slain orcs in compromising positions.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #811. In the middle of a black ops can't reprogram the cleaning droids to wax the floors for 12 hours straight.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #812. I don't have to take a lower level bard adventuring as my opening act.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #813. Taking the orc warlord's skull as a trophy is acceptable. Not as a hand puppet.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #814. Sending the villain a nymph stripper only works once.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #815. Somebody doesn't "accidentally" fall on two dozen shanks.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #816. The adventure wrap up is the epilogue. Not Miller Time.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #817. Cannot challenge anyone to a dance off. To the death.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #818. Augment their psi means their mental powers, not their air pressure.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #819. Taking each class as I level in alphabetical order is forbidden.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #820. Even if the rules allow it, my Paladin can't serve the god of obituaries.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #821. My sorcerer will not take a level in druid just to make it easier to get to the flammable stuff.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #822. If everybody in the room is in black leather, we're in the thieves' guild. Not a fetish club.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #823. Even if infinitely useful, absolute power over elastics is not an appropriate super power.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #824. The back up trap handler is not the guy with the lowest INT.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #825. I cannot have Bracers of Brachiation until I tell the DM what brachiation really means.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #826. Elves do not respond to chainsaws the same ways dogs react to vacuum cleaners.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #827. My battlemech does not play Dixie every time I hit the jump jets.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #828. Even if the mages critically fumbles his stealth check, can't threaten to bleed him slow.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #829. Despite the song's claim, a pelvic thrust does not cause Sanity loss.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #830. Even if we are in Sweden, I can't use one blanket seduction check on the entire crowd.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #831. I didn't 'accidentally' forget to buy any skills.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #832. I will not run up my bar tab and then skip out leaving the DM's super NPC to foot the bill.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #833. Overrunning a larger army is not a glorious victory if it happened at 3AM and they were still in bed.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #834. I will stop reminding Elminster he's not as cool as Merlin, Gandalf or that shapechanging wizard from Krull.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #835. I cannot lure out the Psycho Killer into an ambush by having sex with another character.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #836. No paraphrasing the party leader's elaborate plan as 'pick somebody you don't like and let them know it.'
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #837. Even if the rules allow it, I can't take the 1st Armored Division as an ally.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #838. Doesn't matter how high my influence is; I still can't make Carmen Miranda hats part of the unit's dress code.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #839. In the middle of a black ops no inserting a memo into the target's computer mandating 'clothing optional Mondays'.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #840. Even if it would have immediately solved the last six adventures, I won't throw dynamite in every well I come across.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #841. No more tricking rookies into putting whoopie cushions on Lord Vader's throne.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #842. When handed Dieties and Demigods and told to pick a god for my druid, I will skip right by the Cthulhu Mythos.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #843. It doesn't matter how high his hit points or damage reduction are, we aren't sending the dwarf into battle via catapult.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #844. As a matter of fact, Jeopardy does screen for telepaths.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #845. It's not a good idea to taunt Greek heroes with "Who's your daddy?"
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #846. Doesn't matter if it's an anime style game, I don't get a bonus to hit with eyepokes.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #847. Polymorph Mother-in-Law is not a real spell.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #848. The Caern is not "Disneyworld as if run by coyotes"
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #849. The FBI tends to notice when people buy several miles of hamster tubing at once.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #850. Doesn't matter how practical, we aren't reanimating the dead dragon and having him haul that horde back for us.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #851. When plumbing the depths of depravity, I must remember to come up for air.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #852. Any superhero offensive to more than two major religions is vetoed.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #853. Even if I'm faced with yet another Get of Fenris Lupus Ahroun, I will not refer to him as CliChe Guevara.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #854. We will not take the dead dryad with us to use as kindling.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #855. I will not keep reincarnating that bugbear until he comes back as something we can actually eat.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #856. A funeral is not a proper place for setting new fashion trends.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #857. I will not disbelieve the magic mouth before he gives out the important plot information.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #858. Even if it is hours of entertainment, can't feed the Red Talon peanut butter.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #859. I will concede we're on a dungeon crawl and stop trying to talk to the monsters.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #860. Under religion I cannot put Born Again Klingon.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #861. I will not use undocumented zombie workers to help build my castle.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #862. Bigby's Offensive Finger is not a real spell.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #863. Even if there is no alignment in Traveller, giving feuding TL1 tribes TL12 weapons and putting the results on PPV is just wrong.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #864. My doctor's bag will contain more than just a bonesaw and a bottle of whiskey.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #865. I do not put the cad in decadent, nor the rave in depraved.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #866. Even if it's catchy, I don't have to yell my battlecry everytime I roll to attack.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #867. We can't all play bards just to relive our favorite Spinal Tap moments.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #868. I cannot have a gun with an area of affect larger than it's range.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #869. Richard Simmons is not an appropriate role model for a Get of Fenris.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #870. I will not use my vast personal knowledge of Dublin, Texas to get an unfair advantage in the campaign.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #871. My halfling cannot take the flaw Obsession: Ring of Invisibility.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #872. Any gun that sets off the metal detector before I even pass through it is vetoed.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #873. I will not combine Thermographic Sights and a gun that can shoot through walls. It makes Black Ops too easy.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #874. After cleaning out Ravenloft, when it's my turn to pick treasure, can't call dibs on the castle.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #875. If my superhero has a healing factor, claws, combat sense and longevity, he can't take the flaw Total Pacifist.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #876. If I want to play a rampaging nordic warrior and get handed a treehugging elf hippie instead, I can't play her like a rampaging nordic warrior.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #877. Even if I am playing a chick, I can't spend all my starting cash on shoes.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #878. Rifts in the time/space continuum are not for my personal amusement.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #879. Buying a bigger gun does not restore sanity.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #880. Searching the dead PC for spell components is ok. Using him for spell components is not.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #881. Any character that can run the 2 minute mile is vetoed.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #882. I will not convince the party to name all the characters the same thing.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #883. I do not need to see proof of insurance before making a medtech roll.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #884. Customs doesn't care what my charisma bonus is.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #885. Halflings do not store food in their cheeks for winter.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #886. Elves are not deciduous.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #887. Despite evidence to the contrary, half-elves do not automatically go both ways.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #888. Breast enhancing spells gain no benefits from meta-magic feats.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #889. I will not try to regain sanity by nailing the reporter chick in public.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #890. Dwarves do not get Roto-Rooters as racial weapons.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #891. I will not brag too loudly I'm the real reason behind the sinking of the Titanic.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #892. Cultists tend to notice if you've replaced their summoning ritual with Jitterbug instructions.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #893. Invisibility is all or nothing, can't just target their clothes.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #894. I can't just keeping buy rounds of drinks until everybody passes out so I can rob them.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #895. I will not miss the final epic battle just because I crit my seduction check.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #896. Polish is not a sub-dialect of gnomish.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #897. Any action causing the powergamer to storm off while actually appreciated is frowned upon.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #898. Healing people of other faiths gets a penalty in Deadlands. Not Serenity.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #899. I will not have the architect build my castle using a hexadecimal base to screw with the powergamer.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #900. I will not fill the bag of holding with dirt so we can just fill in pit traps as we detect them.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #901. In the middle of the Black Ops a diversion is not blowing off the top twenty floors of the building.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #902. Can't set the bad guy on fire until after I've blown the persuasion roll.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #903. If I fail to make a bluff check, can't shoot him to change it to an intimidate check.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #904. Not possible to fire a gun with your teeth.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #905. Humming the James Bond theme in the middle of a Black Ops doesn't give me any bonuses.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #906. They make platemail in a variety of styles. Crotchless is not one of them.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #907. Can't use my attack bonus as a substitute for the skill: Hibachi Chef.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #908. I can't take Telekinesis as an auxilary mode just to get free food from the snack machine.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #909. Dual wielding spike chains does not let me use the battlecry "DANGER WILL ROBINSON DANGER!"
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #910. I will not convince the entire party to play rockerboys so we can be a Europe cover band.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #911. Can't take a level of monk just for tone.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #912. Droogie is not a starting language.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #913. After casting my one first level spell, can't leave the dungeon to go sleep.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #914. Can't bribe the biokinetic to take my drug test for me.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #915. On second thought, let's not disguise the wookies in the stormtrooper uniforms.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #916. A runic facial tattoos is acceptable for my berserker. Not a Betty Boop.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #917. Have one point in every single skill in the game doesn't count as a super power.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #918. Can't clean out the dungeon by renting the adjacent dungeon and being as obnoxious as possible.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #919. Goldfish do not get a bonus in a staredown.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #920. My mech gunner can't have a nude pinup in his cockpit. Especially if it's of his pilot.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #921. "But she's hot!" is not an acceptable excuse for my Black Ops solo dating the tabloid reporter.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #922. No matter how much we look, we're not finding the secret door leading to the back of the villain's hideout.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #923. Druids do not hibernate.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #924. Before I make my next wish I have to ask myself: "Is this going to shatter the very fabric of reality again?"
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #925. Any gun that can fire more rounds in one shot than I can physically carry is vetoed.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #926. If given a stock NPC, I must play him as written. So Jar-Jar has to lose the sarape and the cigar.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #927. I do not get a bulk discount at the jenny's guild.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #928. The Flaw: Odious Personal Habit- Teleports into romantic moments is only available at the maximum penalty.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #929. Telekinetic Redhead Chick is not a real superhero.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #930. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot circumnavigate the world on foot in one turn.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #931. There are no alignment restrictions on becoming a lawyer.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #932. Nowhere in the bible does it say ninjas have to line up in a straight line to fight me.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #933. If escorting a high priority target, I can't biosculpt the entire team to look like her.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #934. Nerve gas complicates fast talk rolls.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #935. Cannot take the shape of any animal the GM doesn't know.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #936. 'The power of Christ compels me' does not justify my Blessed's actions.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #937. I cannot take life insurance out on anybody I have for the enemy background.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #938. Psychotherapy doesn't eliminate the alignment change penalty.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #939. Just because I've hit name level does not automatically give me groupies.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #940. I will not abuse the Exemplary virtue to set up highly choreographed dance routines with random crowds.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #941. In the middle of a black ops I cannot make an educational video.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #942. We do not need an elf on this dungeoncrawl for the same reason miners need canaries.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #943. I am not Bjorn of Borg.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #944. Before accepting a harem as a reward for my heroism, need to check with the wife.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #945. I don't get any equipment before the GM can Google it.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #946. If Australia doesn't exist, I can't use my Australian accent. Even if I am playing a space koala.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #947. I cannot bet the powergamer he can't field strip the grenade faster than me.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #948. Even if the rules allow it, I can't catch dropped cannonballs with my teeth without drawbacks.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #949. I will not make my castle's halls 9x9x9' to keep out gelatinous cubes.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #950. The ability to give superpowers to characters is acceptable. Naming the character Captain Franchise is not.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #951. The most important stat in Call of Cthulhu is not movement.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #952. Keifer Sutherland does not make numerous cameos in my character's background telling him he's destined for greatness.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #953. No matter how high my strength, still can't use that wall as a shield.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #954. I will not convince the entire party to play identical copies of the same character on the grounds we're sextuplets.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #955. No matter his age, my bard can't start a boy-band.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #956. Despite the halberd being 6' long, it can't hit monsters more than 5' away.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #957. Even if it's been more than two hours since we left the bar, the dwarf isn't getting the DT's.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #958. No matter how practical, I can't have shotgunchucks.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #959. The town drunk is not our one stop source for all mythos happenings in every town.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #960. I will not base my Call of Cthulhu character off the lead character in Slingblade.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #961. Even if I am pissed for working on my birthday, in the middle of a Black Ops I will not refer to my CO only by his first name.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #962. If I don't have an instrument for my bardic song, an 'air mandolin' won't suffice.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #963. After critting with a cannon, we can't dump a barrel of gunpowder over the gunner's mate.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #964. Elves aren't marsupials.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #965. Even if we're freezing to death, I won't cut open the half-orc and shove the elf inside him.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #966. Using precog on the personals to find out who puts out on a first date is abusing the power.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #967. There is no such thing as a Tequila Golem.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #968. A paladin with a British accent is acceptable. One with a Peter Lorre accent isn't.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #969. When I'm allowed a bunny as a familiar, that doesn't include Ava Fabian.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #970. I will not make a super hero that requires a graphing calculator to create.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #971. I cannot take the flaw Enemy: Random packs of wild dogs.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #972. "Threesome" is not a specialty of the seduction skill.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #973. Shotguns are not a traditional part of Texas funerals.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #974. If short changed at the Hong Kong deli I will call the manager. Not roll for initiative.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #975. There is something wrong with a 2nd level Kamikaze.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #976. I was not issued a flamethrower for my own personal amusement.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #977. Disable plot device is not a real skill.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #978. Nowhere in the plan does Franco go in where the others have been.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #979. Mumus do not appear in the starting equipment list for a reason.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #980. As a matter of fact, a 90' tall hostile pineapple is much more terrifying than a dragon.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #981. My last wish cannot be for Ragnarok.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #982. Trailblaze means find a path, not cut down every tree between here and there.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #983. Elves do not take 1d3 1 minutes for their entire menstrual cycle.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #984. In the middle of a black ops I cannot moonlight as tech support.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #985. Even if it isn't in the rules, I have to use the same scale miniature as everybody else.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #986. I cannot switch miniatures between each combat.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #987. Even if starving, can't suckle the elf chick.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #988. David Bowie cannot cast glitterdust at will. This issue is also closed.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #989. When asked to describe my character, I can leave out the hickies.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #990. Even if he botches his medicine roll, I can't sue the medtech for malpractice.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #991. "Kiww the Wabbit" is not a proper viking battlecry.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #992. The rest of the party would appreciate it if I didn't take Munchhausen Syndrome by Proxy as a flaw.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #993. Even if the rules allow it, I can't empty out the entire castle for a week with just a cherry bomb.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #994. Corporate Pop Whore is not a real prestige class.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #995. Drakkar Heartgourger is not a proper name for a paladin.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #996. Dwarves can't take trees as favored enemies.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #997. I can't beat on the drow until he admits his name is Toby.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #998. The script for the Baywatch movie does not cause more Sanity loss than the Necronomicon.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #999. I can't train squirrel mobs to abuse the grapple rules.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1000. I will stop referring to the powergamer as MinMaximus.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1001. No matter how bad the game is going, I won't stradle the table like Slim Pickens riding a bomb.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1002. Foam Finger of Death is not a real spell.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1003. I cannot start with an armor class higher than my actual age.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1004. Not permitted to die from essence loss during character creation.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1005. Even if I bought the book at Walmart, I don't get a discount on advantages.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1006. If I take the Poison Immunity advantage, that doesn't include Radiation.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1007. That whole Expedition to the Barrier Peaks? Dream Sequence.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1008. Texans do not get revolvers as a racial weapon proficiency.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1009. No matter how many points I put into the skill, can't use sword swallowing to parry.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1010. Stone Giants don't have heat sinks.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1011. Even if we are facing Yuan Ti, my battlecry cannot be "COBRA!"
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1012. Note to self: Lightsaberchucks...BAD IDEA
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1013. The expressive dance skill is not a substitute for language skills.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1014. I will stop blaming every massacre we come across on Decepticons.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1015. Despite what the rules say, berserking does not improve my aim.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1016. Even if spells are use them or lose them, I will not waste Meteor Swarms on a goblin.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1017. I will not lay siege to Cinderella's Castle.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1018. Elves do not get Viking Funerals.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1019. Even if we have more ammo than fuel, I still have to cut down the tree with the chainsaw, not the HMG.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1020. If we have to add a new PC mid-campaign, he doesn't have to pass a drug test first.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1021. Can't use the Jedi Mind Trick to convince the stormtroopers the Droids over there are the Droids they are looking for.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1022. Can't start the game with 24 hours to live.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1023. The bluff skill is no substitute for actually knowing the spell.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1024. Slings make poor thongs. And vice versa.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1025. If I have two cyberarms, they have to be on different sides.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1026. My character cannot gain a level through nepotism.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1027. I will not use the d20 system to test the validity of any Kennedy Assassination theory.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1028. My character has mastery level in singing. I do not.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1029. I will not convert to Eilistraee just so I can watch naked drow chicks getting their groove on.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1030. No matter how much he pisses me off, I will not raise the barbarian’s dead mother-in-law.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1031. Just because my superhero game has 18 stats and yours only has 3, doesn’t mean mine is 6x better.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1032. Monofilament does not automatically make the world a better place.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1033. Holding the hand crossbow sideways ‘gangsta style’ does not add to my intimidate check.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1034. Even if I wait for the ninja to jump at me, I can’t crucify him with a repeating crossbow in a single round.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1035. If at any point in his lifespan my character can clear out every single Cave of Chaos in one single round, he’s vetoed.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1036. My druid can't summon or change into a skunk. No seriously, it’s not allowed in the rulebook.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1037. Kangaroos are poor substitutes for taun-tauns.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1038. There is no such thing as a Viking Assisted Suicide.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1039. Jury Summoning I is not a real spell.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1040. I can not name my character anything that was suggested by Tom Servo.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1041. Doesn’t matter if I’m just using to spot weld, force lightning still gets me a dark side point.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1042. Erasing the compass on the map and redrawing it in reverse does not mean the villain will start building his evil railroad backwards.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1043. Ninjas do not have a hive mind.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1044. No matter how much ammo I start with, I can’t impact the total world supply.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1045. We will not gut every animal we kill to see if they have treasure inside like in video games.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1046. We can’t stabilize the dying villain before we make our escape just in case he was a load bearing villain.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1047. If my troll is the smartest character in the party, the entire party is vetoed.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1048. I will not attempt to overdose on Rogaine so I can disguise myself as a wookie.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1049. I can’t summon anything in MM4 just so I can take a bathroom break while the DM looks it up.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1050. If the weapon has the 3-handed trait, I don’t get a sidekick just for the extra hand.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1051. As a matter of fact, the high and tight buzz cut doesn’t exist in Exalted.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1052. I’m not automatically eliminated from the crappy module if I guess the wrong murderer like in Clue. So I should stop making random accusations.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1053. I was not raised by a pack of feral Ironclads.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1054. I will call the elf druid by his real impossibly long elf name, and not just Llanowar Leafblower.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1055. I will also not simply refer to the elf druid as that dirty, dirty hippie.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1056. There is no such thing as a Dwarven Battle Perm.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1057. Canadian is not a real language.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1058. When I get to the custom weapons creation section, I will keep turning those pages.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1059. Even if the villain is Lawful Evil, slapping a cease and desist order on him isn’t going to work.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1060. I will go into the villain’s lair and take him out the old fashioned way. Not just wait outside his favorite bar with a rifle.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1061. In the middle of a Black Ops I do not have time to put a banana in the exhaust port of their AV-9.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1062. Even if I think of something the Demi-lich isn’t immune to, he’s immune to it.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1063. Even if my character sheet says otherwise, I can’t max out the party with Delta class Cyberware immediately after character generation.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1064. Even if I can prove at least a half dozen practical uses for it, I can’t have a slip and slide for the dungeon crawl.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1065. Even if we are playing in the New Republic era, I can’t call dibs on Boba Fett’s armor.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1066. If the GM’s wife is in the party, I’m not allowed to hunt anything cute.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1067. I do not get to put remote detonation switches into the weapons of any PC’s I build them for.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1068. I cannot have a handgun that starts out doing more damage than most people have wounds.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1069. I do not have to check before each adventure that my fellow adventurers are not doppelgangers, Cylons or pod people.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1070. Even if we are Womprat hunting, we don’t have to dye the wookie fluorescent orange.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1071. I will go take out the villain’s dungeon the old fashioned way, and not use magic to reroute a river into it instead.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1072. After rerouting a river through the villain’s lair, I will not pan for gold wherever the river comes out.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1073. Just because the game left the rules for stun setting grossly unbalanced doesn’t mean I have to take advantage of it.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1074. Despite the name, I can’t actually wear a cloaker. But I will fail to notice the cloak weighs over a quarter ton.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1075. Metal detectors don’t automatically find Cylons.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1076. When told to dress like a Goth I will make sure with no uncertainty whether they mean black clothes and eyeliner or chainmail and shield.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1077. There is no such thing as a weresaxophonist.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1078. If 48 straight hours of pistol whipping doesn’t convince the terrorist to spill his guts, another 48 hours probably won’t either.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1079. A tattoo gun is not standard equipment in a mapping kit.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1080. The Cryokinetic is forever banned from water balloon fights.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1081. Even if the rules allow it, my sumo wrestler can’t take super human attractiveness.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1082. There is no such thing as a brothel crawl.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1083. My IRSAn will not use his powers to help fill out wikipedia articles.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1084. My sumo wrestler can’t have lap band surgery without affecting his martial arts skills.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1085. “Everybody Wang Chung tonight” is not an acceptable use of the Mass Suggestion spell.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1086. Tornadoes don’t have hit points.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1087. Even if I take twice as long, that doesn’t mean I can take 40.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1088. I cannot try and throw large blunt objects at malkavians, kobolds or kender. Or their players.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1089. Even if the game is a crappy rip-off of World of Warcraft, my character can’t speak in Leet.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1090. Even if I roll a natural 20, I can’t jump the grand cannon on a stock steam roller.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1091. In the middle of a Black Ops, if a character dies I will not disavow knowledge of him until after the mission is over.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1092. If the battle goes for 20 rounds, we don’t have to stop and wait for the zamboni guy to clean up the battlefield.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1093. I will not tell the rookies they can roll down their Y-Wing’s windows.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1094. My wizard does not need to shout out the name of what he’s summoning every time he picks a creature.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1095. Anything short of adamantine full plate is not considered light armor for dwarves.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1096. In the middle of a Black Ops I can’t start a major Corpwar just because I’m bored stiff with the current run.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1097. Even if he used INT as a dump stat, I don’t have to carve ‘this end towards enemy’ on the barbarian’s axe blade.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1098. If I’m in an assault mech, bump drafting is discouraged.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1099. After a successful Black Ops, before I’m paid I will not immediately adopt a dozen children for the tax breaks.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1100. I cannot wish that someone else was an Oscar Meyer weiner.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1101. I will not cut the vault guards in on the haul instead of fighting them.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1102. 1980’s break dancing moves have their place. In front of the Vodacce prince is not one of them.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1103. Just because I was paid in advance doesn’t mean I can let the incompetent expedition leader die.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1104. There is a limit to how much innuendo I can fit into one combat round.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1105. Even if it is just my character speaking, I will not claim Texas was stolen from Mexico. I will live longer that way.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1106. I cannot put Nodens on speed dial.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1107. I will not attempt to clear out the dungeon using only Bangalore torpedoes.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1108. Picking his pocket means more than just turning him upside down and shaking him vigorously.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1109. I will not do anything that Bilbo Baggins hates.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1110. Even if I have enough, putting silencers on my minigun doesn’t work.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1111. There is no such thing as a Magic Murder Bag of Holding.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1112. I will stop referring to the Eladrin as just the Elf Mk II.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1113. I will not shoot vampires in the chest with a large pistol just so they have to explain the embarrassing sucking chest wound.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1114. I will not take a phobia of anything that doesn’t exist in the game world.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1115. If I have an ability that lets me alter minor aspects of my appearance, that doesn’t include girth.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1116. Add Bulldozers to the list of things vampires are allergic to.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1117. Can’t strangle a werewolf with a roll of Kodak film, no matter what we all know it’s made out of.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1118. In the middle of a black ops I will not use up all the claymores just because I don’t want to take them back with me.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1119. I cannot have my mercy surgically removed.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1120. Even if I’m in charge I can’t order the Assault Lance to perform West Side Story dance routines.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1121. If given a Holy Avenger sword, I can’t melt it down and reforge it into a weapon my paladin actually uses.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1122. Even if it still give a combat bonus to everybody else, I can’t just stand there and read a comic book behind the villain.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1123. In the middle of a black ops I can’t call my girlfriend to remind her to pick up some Chinese on her way home.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1124. I will leave out mating rituals when presenting a cultural exchange with diplomatic ambassadors.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1125. Letting the Red Shirt guard the plane is really frowned upon as it doesn’t leave anybody to sacrifice to the Shoggoths.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1126. Cannot start the campaign on fire.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1127. Will not start all my skills at 89% just so I get massive SAN boosts early.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1128. I cannot RickRoll people with any video that increases their Mythos Lore.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1129. I will refrain from casting Dimension Jump and Magnificent Mansion on every police box we pass.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1130. I cannot wish we were playing the previous edition of the game.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1131. Summoning a Water Elemental right above the Fire Elemental doesn’t work.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1132. There will be no more debating how much XP Mr. Tumnus would be worth.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1133. I cannot be the Bizarro version of another player.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1134. Nowhere in my barbarian’s description will I include the word “Jaunty”
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1135. My Eshu does not get bonus frequent flyer miles automatically during character generation.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1136. Doesn’t matter how big we make it, a pit trap isn’t going to take out the Tarrasque.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1137. I have to go into the dungeon, not just send in dozens of summoned creatures every morning.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1138. Fireballs don’t have a non-lethal option. I will ponder this after I’ve cast one at that guy we needed alive.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1139. My weapon is a +3 Flaming Flail. Not my Great Balls of Fire.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1140. I will not use a portable hole to cheat at golf.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1141. In the middle of a Black Ops I will not look at the target’s HR files to see if they have better benefits.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1142. I will not use the mage’s Staff of Wizardry in lieu of a pool cue.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1143. Torching the forest doesn’t get me any XP for anything inside the forest.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1144. I cannot have any gun that lets me kill the villain without being in at least an adjacent county.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1145. A 2nd level commoner is not twice as common as a 1st level commoner.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1146. If we don’t have a thief, I can’t call AAA to slim jim the dungeon entry door.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1147. I will like the Rodian’s antennae and stick him to the wall while he sleeps.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1148. No matter how long his speech is, my sniper will not shoot the speaker introducing the target.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1149. During the psi-jump my neutral can’t do mean things to the psions while they are tripping.
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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG #1150. I will not try to feed the Qin extremely salty food to see if he melts.